2005-03-29 - 10:14 a.m.
I ask myself sometimes, why I'm with my fiancee.
You ever ask yourself that? You ever stop, in the middle of the day, and really just wonder why you spend all that time and energy for "him" or "her"?
Oh sure, He can be jerk around other people, he has this INSANE road rage while driving in traffic, he doesn't have a "monster size" penis like in the porn ads, he sometimes spaces out and forgets I'm there, he's anal about cleaning, and he freaks out if I use the wrong kind of paper to jot notes on.
"He's not really the ideal guy for you.."
Wait. Where did this "ideal" image come from? Were are the blue collar, beer belly, fingernails still dirty when he comes home from work American men?
Where did this come from? Since when did American women as a whole become so unsatisfied with real men that we start pushing viagra and "sexual enhancement drugs" and "sexual performance drugs" on them, and we take our men to therapy now and invent all manner of self improvement methods?
No longer do we want just a "man", now we want the Justin Timberlake, Ryan Seacrest, SeanJean and 100 dollar sneakers wearing, perfume laden pretty boys. Why?
I don't NEED the "ideal" guy. I don't NEED a Ryan Seacrest. Nor do I actually want one.
But that ideal has been pushed into my mind, everyday, by commercials and magazine ads and high school romances and music videos, so I keep having to remind myself:
Russ is fine the way he is. I am with him because he makes me laugh.
I know most girls say,
"Oh, I'd like a guy who can make me laugh.." But they never really mean it. What they REALLY mean is that they'd like a guy to talk to them after they fuck their brains out.
No, with me, I REALLY needed someone to make me laugh. Without that trait in Russ, I wouldn't be with him. He's the reason I don't take meds anymore. He's the reason I haven't killed myself yet. He's always happy, ALL the time, and it's like this natural prozac while he's around me.
I'm with him still because he knows when to give me space and leave me alone. When I was with Bobbie every day, I was always bare to her critisizing eyes. She knew EVERYTHING about me and more, and if there wasn't something she knew, she'd poke and prod untill she found that too.
With Russ, he doesn't know everything about me, he can't predict my every move, and I LOVE THAT!
Anyway, have you ever just asked yourself why you're with the person you're with? If you can't find any reason at all, and think to yourself
'Well...maybe I can change him.."
You can't change him with all the drugs in the world. He will never be your "Ideal" guy, and you should stop filling out those stupid online quizzes and find someone you can accept for who they are.
Mr. Right, my ass <---(some blatant contradiction for your enjoyment...)
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