2009-04-14 - 6:37 a.m.
"Just stop eating so much."
I've heard this so many times in my life that it's almost ceased to have any meaning. It doesn't hurt anymore, though considering my psychological and physical problems it might be considered callus and condescending.
Sometimes I do well. Sometimes I don't eat so much. There are days when I will have a normal intake of food. That food might be unhealthy to begin with, but I don't binge everyday. Especially when I'm around other people, I make it a POINT to eat less. I'm very conscious of what I eat when I'm around other people.
That's why Buffets aren't all that scary to me. I've heard some people who have a problem with eating describe all you can eat buffets as both something to love and something to dread. But since I always go with a group of people I'm very conscious of what goes on my plate, how that food looks, and how much I have of it.
I believe I have Binge Eating Disorder. I know I have had a problem with binge eating most of my life but nowadays I think it might have just deteriorated into a problem with eating the wrong foods at the wrong time. I eat a lot of breads and sweets and sugars, but I don't remember binging so much in the last few years.
Except when I was at my moms house. Which is often.
And except when my husband isn't home.
Which is for about 8 hours every day.
And except for when I'm sad.
Which is often.
So I'm going to start actually writing down what I eat for this week and take it to Doctor Jess (the doc that's been seeing me since I was a kid) and ask her opinion.
So far I've had a bowl of cereal with god knows how much sugar on it.
I'll probably go back for another bowl in a little bit. I wonder how my eating habits will be affected if I know that someone will be looking at them later on.
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