2009-04-25 - 12:43 a.m.
Russ hardly touches me anymore.
It's probably because I've let myself go lately. I skip showers, or forget them. I've started smoking again. I've gained weight.
But a part of me doesn't even want to try to look or feel or smell good because he never wants sex anymore. And in the rare instance that he does I'm usually not in the mood. And in the even rarer instance that we have sex it's usually just me giving him a blow job and then some mutual masturbation.
I'm pretty sure he looked up porn while I was a few rooms away tonight, after he told me he was going to bed.
I checked him computer and, apparently, he's found time to look up porn frequently in the last week or so. And he's hardly touched me all week.
But I'm expected to rub his back and suck his cock on demand?
And I don't even get the fleeting satisfaction of HIS touch anymore, since HE's been dating another girl. Since they're getting pretty serious, all of his attention has been on her. That means we hardly ever see him and, when we do, he hardly ever touches me either.
So I ended up touching myself tonight.