2008-06-11 - 5:00 p.m.
There's just some things that don't seem like they'll ever get fixed. They just lay there on the back of your mind in pools of stagnant water, boring holes into the backs of your eyes and muttering in a language you won't ever understand.
For some people, these "things" are huge. Like alcoholism. Or the scars of childhood abuse or neglect.
For me it's the nagging fact that I'll never be truly independent from my mother.
And on top of that stagnant pool is one that explains it; it's because I never learned how to manage money, budget my spending money, or land a well paying job.
Aren't those things you're supposed to learn how to do before you get married?
And I suppose I can say the same thing for Russ, (minus the "well paying job" part, since he's never had any problem landing good jobs), although it might not haunt him in the same way.
He has better things to haunt his thoughts, I suppose, than whether or not he has the money to buy this or that.
He's an optimist you see; no matter what happens, things WILL be okay and he can usually do and get anything he'd like.
"Do we have the money for this hon?"
"Sure, I'm getting over time next week."
"Sure, I'm getting paid tomorrow."
"Sure, I'll pay rent a few days late, no problem."
He loves living an extravagant life style and I've grown to love it along with him. We go out to eat more often than he cooks nowadays. We go to the movies, we've gotten ourselves games and videos. Just recently he bought me a Nintendo DS for 130 dollars, along with two games to go with it.
We blew about half of our "economic stimulus check" on the very thing I swore to myself we wouldn't; stimulating the economy.
And now, two weeks before our lease ends and we have to find somewhere else to live, we have no extra money to put towards the security deposit or the pet deposit fee. And we have to ask my mom for the money. And there's no way my mom will say no. I don't think she can. Over 1000 dollars and I'm pretty sure we can only pay about 800 of that back.
And Russ still was talking about taking Dave out to see the Incredible Hulk this friday, then taking me out to the drive in on saturday.
I suddenly understand exactly what language it's muttering in.
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